The Rules of Parenting: Rule 2. No one is perfect

Posted on November 5, 2017 by paulanicolas

“Parenting” and “Perfection” are completely two unrelative words. I had my fair share of “mommy fails” and after reading this chapter, it is much clearer now, I will continue to raise my children in my own unique way. I sometimes do enjoy being an actual mother with flaws than a mother trying to be perfect for her children-which is certainly frustrating. What I now wanted my children to learn from me is that committing mistakes are normal; and that we have to move on and be a better version of ourselves the next day.

“A personal code for bringing up happy, confident children.”

The Rules of Parenting: Rule 1. Relax

Posted on October 22, 2017 by paulanicolas

I came across a book entitled, “Rules of Parenting” by Richard Templar. I thought for a second, “do I need this?” The truth is… I do.

I agree with the realities the author is telling me. This book puts everything in perspective, you in control, and your children on the path to becoming a successful, independent adults. Allow me to read to you The Rules of Parenting: Rule 1. Relax

“A personal code for bringing up happy, confident children.”

What is your “Parenting Goal”?

Posted on January 13, 2017 by paulanicolas

Here is my New Year’s resolution in spite of being 13 days late. I converted it as my “Parenting Goal”. Isa lang naman ang goal ko para madaling gawin 🙂

Please listen to my musings and maybe, share and comment? Thanks!

Thoughts on fostering a child

Posted on May 13, 2016 by paulanicolas

This is an interesting article about Joy, a working mother of four children. In the article below, she shared some of her thoughts about her family’s fostering journey. I am moved by her willingness to nurture a child in need; and was impressed by her belief that every child should grow up in a loving and supportive home. If her story inspires you, do drop by to Ministry of Social and Family Development (MSF) Fostering Road Show at NEX Mall Level until 15 May 2016.

———————————————————————————————————–

Let’s take a look at an extraordinary mother who not only fulfils her role of

being the educator and nurturer of her own children, but extends her love and care to other

children in need.

As a working mother of four young children, Joy Shuo has her hands full. But she still

volunteered to become a foster parent with the blessings of her husband, a pastor. A home, with

loving parents and siblings, is the “best stable environment” for a child to grow up in, insists Joy.

With this firm belief, she embarked on her fostering journey in 2011, and has never looked back

since.

Joy wants to care for a foster child for a longer period to be able to contribute more to the child’s

overall well-being instead of taking short-term fostering, ranging from a few weeks to a few

months which she had, at first, been asked to do. Her wish for a longer staying foster child was

fulfilled when she was assigned a two-month- old baby girl to care for.

Joy works as a pastor now and got her domestic helper, Anyes, and her mother to care for the

foster child when she was at work.

Megan, Joy’s youngest daughter, has turned out to be the most excited of their children with the

arrival of their foster ‘baby sister’.

Megan would often run to fetch Anyes or her grandmother whenever she finds the baby awake.

She does the same when the baby needs to have her diapers changed.

“Megan has become like a mother hen, watchfully guarding her foster baby sister’s every single

move and stir,” said Joy.

It is Joy’s belief that every child should grow up in a home and not in an institution, a hospital or

an orphanage. “This is why it is so important for us as a family to take in a foster child. It is the

least we can do to help another child to get a chance to be loved and cared and to have that

stable foundation to grow up to his or her full potential.”

Joy admits that she was not sure at first “how much love to put in”, given the goal of foster care

is to reunite the child with his birth parents. She says, “I’ve heard stories about foster mums

sobbing when they have to return the child. But I have to think of the big picture here. My role is

just to love someone, and hopefully that will change her life forever.”

For those wishing to find out more about the MSF fostering scheme, please call the enquiry line:

6354 8799; or visit the MSF website: www.msf.gov.sg/fostering

Dadvice: #2 On keeping your promises…

Posted on April 1, 2016 by kennicolas

click here to read our Dadvice article #1 On treating your Parents

Have to double check if this complies with bank regulation ten dollar notes 🙂

Let me tell you about a simple story that has caught my attention the past few days:

Last weekend, our kids spent the night in our room, and while we were about to sleep, my eldest asked if he could have an extra pillow to hug. I got back up and went to the other room to get him extra pillows, and after I gave it to him, I said with a resounding voice “Your wish is yours to keep…” feeling and impersonating a genie that we once watched in one of their cartoon shows. My second child, my daughter, quickly picked up on to what I was acting out, and told me “Daddy, do I get a wish as well?…”. So I told her yes, all three of them could have one wish tonight. My daughter then said, “Daddy, I wish for an eye patch”. I complied with her demand and as with the first, I completed with the phrase “Your wish is yours to keep…” still trying to do a convincing genie voice. Now my youngest son, Zack, has had time to think about his wish while I was tending to his sister. He then told me “ Daddy, my wish is to have $10 “. My wife and I were a bit surprised and were laughing at how ingenious this little boy has used his wish. However, as it was already late in the night, I told him that I would give him his wish but also asked if he could wait until tomorrow, as I had no change for $10 at that time. He happily agreed, and they all went to sleep smiling.

The next day, I have been quite pre-occupied as my wife and I had a lot of chores to do, and activities planned for the whole weekend. To cut the story short, I forgot to give my son his $10 from the evening before, which I promised. On Sunday night, my wife told me that she saw something in my youngest son’s coin bank. It was a small piece of cut-out rectangular paper, colored with orange crayons and designed with a mark saying “10 Dollers”. It didn’t immediately sink with me but when my wife asked him about it, he said that it was the money that Daddy has promised to give him. I suddenly felt guilty and moved at the same time.

Here is my son, who has not bothered me, not even once, the whole weekend about his money, whilst actually expecting me to keep my promise. When I forgot about his “10 Dollers”, he made sure on his own way that I’d still keep my promise to him. That night before they went to bed, I made sure to sneak and switch his paper $10 with a real one. I then told him to check his coin bank before he went to bed, and he was very surprised and happy. I tucked him to bed and whispered to him “Your wish is yours to keep…”, he smiled then went to sleep.

It is common, perhaps natural, for us parents to have “expectations” of our children. We aspire that our kids should grow up to be good, honest, loyal, compassionate, and brave, among many others things. Some people may have high expectations, while some, not so much, but this is all OK. It only shows that we want our young ones to gain the qualities to be happy and successful for their life in the future.

However, we may sometimes neglect to think that although we have “expectations” of our kids, they too, have the same “expectations” on us. They look up to us to be good examples, role models, and to basically just to be there to depend upon. In our busy days today, it is easy to forget to keep our promises, forget to be nice to other people, and forget to be good role models. Nevertheless, as parents, it should always be our responsibility to do our best and live up to our children’s expectations. We are after all, their own heroes that they see everyday.

Motivational Monday: 7 Important Life’s Lessons for Your Children

Posted on January 25, 2016 by paulanicolas

surviving and happy

As a mom, we would always want what’s best for our children…

Oh, forget about that cliché. Our world, in my opinion, is becoming more and more alarming. Truth be told, children ages seven years old and above are now exposed with what’s happening around them, they are beginning to comprehend that our world is not all the time fruit bearing trees, red roses with beautiful butterflies, birds flying in the blue skies… in short, partly wonderful, partly not. And right at this moment, what we really want for our children is to learn how to survive from all the adversities we are all going through. We should-

Teach them how to fight loneliness. They will be more independent and resilient.
Teach them how to stand up for themselves. But teach them not to ridicule other children.
Teach them how to overcome materialism. And be contented with what they have. You should not look over to your neighbor’s to see what they have that you don’t. The only time you should look over someone else’s “bowl” is to see if they have enough.
Teach them how to protect themselves from sexual predators. And not afraid to speak out, about the people that made them feel uncomfortable.
Teach them not to hate people of different race and religion.
Teach them how to identify the good influences from the bad ones.
Teach them how to choose responsibly, because all of their life’s choices will reflect on the kind of person that they would become.

Their generation is thriving along with the technology we are having right now. But despite of all these, our world is uncertain. We might not be able to give them all the best, furthermore, we can not be there with them all the time, but what we could do is teach them these lessons so that they can turn out to be the best, notwithstanding the reality that they are about to face.

image credit: www.deviantart.com

Dadvice: #1 On treating your Parents

Posted on October 20, 2015 by kennicolas

An exclusive for mommysaiddaddysaid.com

Daddy Said…

Dadvice

Things that you want to make sure your kids know …or not know

Often times in life, we take a look back on things that we’ve done and thought – “if I only knew, I might have done better…” This realization is not bad, when you think about it, it’s actually edification. It means that you’ve now learned something new, which you didn’t know before. Knowledge is Power. And as a 90’s kid, I’ve come to realize that there is wisdom in what my favorite cartoon show always says – “Knowing is half the battle”.

Although it is true that experience is the best teacher, it doesn’t just have to be only your own experience that you should rely on to teach you. We can also learn lessons from experiences of other people, and use it to our advantage.

In this section of Daddy said, I would like to give my kids that advantage and impart to them some of the important life lessons, and “life-hacks”, that I’ve learned in my life as well as from others. Though some of these things may seem to be ‘common sense’ to us parents, at times, we tend to forget that our kids don’t know these things yet. They could greatly learn from it and it may help improve their perspective in life.

Please join me as I share to my kids the stuff that they should know (or maybe shouldn’t know yet) about the birds and the bees, and the flowers and the trees… And who knows, maybe you and your kids can share some of your life lessons too.

For today’s post…

#1 On treating your Parents

Always love and respect them period. Yes, it’s true that sometimes we might do some things that seem unfair to you, but do trust that we always have your best interest at heart. I’ve loved you from the day you were born and will continue to do so until my dying breath, no intermissions in between. It is the same with your mom, and your grandparents as well. You may not always see it, but your mom and I love and respect our parents very much too. They have been there for us, with love, patience, and understanding, holding our hands, ever since we could remember. And this is the same promise that we make to you. When all the world comes crumbling down, we are the ones who will always be here for you… near, far, and wherever you are.

And the next time you get to talk with your parents or elders, take time to listen. There are a lot of things they can teach us, simply by telling us the consequences of what they did, or did not do, in their lives. Reciprocate with love, compassion and most of all, with respect.

Handy helpers!

Posted on September 12, 2015 by paulanicolas

“Giving children household chores at an early age helps to build a lasting sense of mastery, responsibility and self-reliance .”

-Marty Rossmann, professor emeritus at the University of Minnesota

At home, we tend to do all the chores and shoo our children away to their rooms. We are more focus on finishing our housework rather than asking for their help. They are becoming less empathetic as they grow, and not responsive to others’ needs. They are lacking self-reliance and not acting responsibly with the task that they should be doing at their age.

They are missing something.

Housework.

Let them have it and let them learn from it.

We have come up with a “feel-good” training/motivational video for your soon-to-be handy helpers 🙂

Please watch and share, thank you.

One afternoon with foul words

Posted on August 13, 2015 by paulanicolas

When I am about to fetch my kid from his soccer training, I heard three higher primary students exchanging a few foul words with each other. They are not arguing, but laughing nonchalantly. One says, “I know what an ass looks like…”

These kids are wearing their school uniform. (note: not from my son’s school thankfully, but this can happen from ANY school to be fair.)

Words like G_ _ D_ _ _ I_ and As_ H _ _ _ were thrown. My auditory nerve is sensitive to hearing these words coming from kids their age and so finally, my brain decided to zip their not-so-innocent mouth.

Despite the fact that I’m shaking inside and have been wanting to spank them all, I manage to keep calm and tell them that their teachers won’t be happy if I report them to their school. I also found myself repeating these words (I know you’re going to raise your eyebrow, but let’s face it, I’m talking to some hard headed higher primary kids, I am curious to know their reactions if I copy them)

I studied their faces of contempt. Then I let out a “not really nice to hear, right?”

I smiled and retired.

I heard the biggest one exclaimed, “Hallelujah! That lady went away.

How to keep your children from saying bad words

Posted on July 15, 2015 by paulanicolas

image source: www.teachjunkie.com

“A child’s mind is like a sponge and absorbs whatever it hears in the environment it is in.” Having three growing inquisitive children, all the things they hear, good or bad are in truth, beyond my control. This is real. Even the things that you hear from the movies, TV shows, or some You Tube videos intended for kids are sadly, not safe for kids. Profanity is unavoidable. I am guilty of saying bad words too. The first time I heard my kid say “damn it,” I was embarrassed and shocked because he said it in front of our friends. To make the long story short, I did not beat my child, but I warned him that it should be the first and the last swear words I’ll hear.

Just this weekend, I heard those words again but this time around, my other child had said it. “Damn it.” Okay. I missed something. I forgot to explain MORE to them why that word was considered a bad one. I confronted them, and veered right away. Placing myself in their shoes, I know it is so tempting to say these words because we hear it everywhere. And just like what I said earlier, kids absorb whatever they hear. And when you tell them to stop, the more they will ask you WHY. You see, they need a sound explanation too.

So this got me thinking…

Be a good example in front of them. We are not perfect. But when you feel like cursing…
Find some substitute words. It is okay to be angry, let it out, but choose a more subtle language when you are around with your kids.
There are times that you cannot deliberately keep them away from being exposed to profanity. So if this happens, point out the words right away. Tell them not to use them because these words will make them look bad.

A few weeks ago, Sofie shared with me a simple yet meaningful activity from her Form Teacher and Guidance Period Class (Mr Idris of Yumin Primary School). This made his students realized how it is important not to tolerate saying bad words.

According to my daughter, here’s what they did:

Their form teacher asked them if they knew some bad words that they are aware of. (and yes, he allowed the kids to say these words)
The teacher wrote it down on a piece of paper. So while writing, he made these children realized how strong these words were (some children were throwing non-vulgar words, but considered as bad ones too. I was embarrassed to know that my daughter threw one of the strongest words in the history of “childrenkind” )
He then explained the effects of saying these harsh words to friends. “People will not like you if you say these words… You will be a bully… You will hurt other people’s feelings when you say this… You will lose friends…”
After writing it down, he made a meaningful act as he crumpled the paper while saying “Let’s throw the bad words in the rubbish bin.”

A simple activity yet my daughter remembered every detail of it, she had learned a lot without being reprimanded.

She is now our language police.

Effective Ways To Ask Your Child

Posted on July 3, 2015 by paulanicolas

image source: BabyRabies.com

“Hi, how was your day?”

I can tell that they are bored hearing these words from mommy. They are so used to hearing it on and on and will only limit their answers to “fine” or “okay.” This afternoon, I tried a different approach.

You are free to imagine my exaggerated face. Plus my exaggerated tone. It made them feel I’m really interested in what they were up to when they were away from me. The result was overwhelming. You will get what I mean as you read along. But first things first, here are the effective ways to ask your child:

The hunch:

I am guessing you had an interesting day today…

The Intrigue:

You think you had a good time with your friends today? (whispering) Can you tell me more?
How about Ashley (name her best friend), you think she had fun playing with you too?

The specific:

What was your favorite activity that you did in school today?

The “when I was a kid like you” method (it will get them to talk, promise)

Back in the days when I was small, I remembered I was pretty scared taking my test. How about you, did you feel the same way when you had your test in Math?
I remembered the time when I was in Primary 2, there was this big kid that I was so afraid of. Did you ever experience that?

Kids tend to engage more with these interesting questions because they can relate with it easier. Be more attentive when asking them, but be patient and don’t stress them out when they can’t find words to say. Just sit down with them and enjoy their company. Be more creative but specific. You might also find it effective when you whisper to them while asking these kinds of questions. You can only get them to talk when you talk.

So here’s what happened earlier.

I sat down with them on the dining table and uttered a hunch. “I think all of you had an interesting day today…”

The first to respond was Ethan.

“I told M___ not to kiss me anymore.”

Ooookay.

Zack was teasing.

“Me I don’t have a girlfriend yet.”

Sofie changed the subject.

“We said bad words in our class today.” (Watch out for my post about this)

But after hearing all of these, I think I’m going to have a heart attack too. And so be ready.

How to become an outstanding student

Posted on July 6, 2014 by paulanicolas

If you have children who are now studying in primary/elementary school, you can share these helpful tips with them. This also goes to Ethan, Sofie and Zack, two years from now.

I hope my children won't reason our economy :-) source: zenmischief.blogspot.com

“you can’t use this reason Zack, someone used it already” source: zenmischief.blogspot.com

Do you want to be an outstanding student in school? I know it takes an effort on your part, but it’ll definitely be worth it. You’ll make your parents proud and you’ll be a joy in every teacher’s class. Who wouldn’t want that?

all that grump source:boudreau.deviantart.com

no, don’t want a grump in my class source:boudreau.deviantart.com

Inattentive pupil. Grumpy classmate. Lazy and an uncooperative group mate. Nobody wants that kind of kid around. An enthusiastic student leaves a good impression to teachers and classmates alike. Participate in class discussions, suggest ideas but don’t complicate things too much. Accept criticisms, be ready to any and take it constructively. Be positive all the time. Support the suggestions of others if it seemed achievable to you, but don’t claim an idea that is not yours. Just keep going and keep a positive attitude. In that way, most of your classmates will love to have you in their group and who knows, they might appoint you as their group leader.
He is the male version of neneng mamaya na. source: www.clipartguide.com

Be neat all the time. From your hygiene, to your school uniform, down to your school projects, being tidy reflects how orderly you are. If you want to have more friends, don’t be a walking ball of booger.
Make a list of to do’s while waiting for your bus ride going home. These are reminders on what assignment you should do which classmate to call, and what books/materials you should bring for the following day. It will save you time and effort. Start to rely on yourself, be resourceful, but if you need your mom’s help, just show the lists to her. I’m sure she’ll be happy to help you.
I once fell asleep in my math class in high school. I woke up when I heard my classmates laughing at me. It was embarrassing. source:hrsbstaff.ednet.ns.ca
Please have enough sleep. How true that having seven hours of sleep is enough? Not yet enough for kids like you. Sleep as early and as long as you can. Sleep is food for the brain. If you are deprived of having enough sleep, you are not sharpening your memory, your concentration and your learning abilities too, will suffer. You can’t stay focus. You’ll have a lower IQ and test results in school. Do you want that?
that’s more like it
source: www.123rf.com
Read and study in advance, most especially during the holidays. It is nice to study in a relaxing mood. Most likely, you’ll absorb the things that you’ve read when you are not cramming. You remember your friend’s facebook status yesterday, right? It’s because you are less tense when you were reading it.
ooops sorry wrong photo. anyways, source: geek-news.mtv.com
Eat a proper diet. Eat fresh, three times a day and on time. Remember to drink lots of water! You know that already. But aside from that, I would like to share with you a brain boosting snack my mom used to give me during the exam week. Nuts. Nuts are great source of Vitamin E, which help sharpen your memory and comprehension.

If you practice these simple tips, you’ll find it a lot easier to study year after year, until you finish college. (wink)

20 Simple Holiday Activities for Moms and Kids

Posted on June 27, 2014 by kennicolas

We had a little too much of our holiday, we laze away – pretty much the exact definition of our holiday. It’s Friday and we have two more days left before the school re opens. Yay. Just two more days. Have you made plans for your weekend yet? Plan it now and make it as enjoyable as you can. I have listed 20 SIMPLE HOLIDAY ACTIVITIES FOR MOMS AND KIDS. Come on, do at least three for your kids. Don’t be a buzz kill 🙂

Start your weekend with a morning jog with your children. You gotta get those lazy bones moving again!
Mini-DIYs – I miss making mini projects with my little ones. Maybe we’ll make a hand puppet this time. If it’s not your thing, most kids are currently hooked on loom bands!
Loom bands driving ’em crazy
credit source: www.mamamia.com.au
Record their height and weight – It’s the middle of the year, time to measure how much they’ve grown.
They grow up so fast, don’t they? Check their height while you still can.
Take them to the market. Yup, the wet and dry market. Show them around and introduce to them your favorite shops.
Take them to the park and spread a picnic mat. Read them some books and blow some bubbles.
Visit the beach and build a sand castle with your cute minions!
Take them to the movie house.
How To Train Your Dragon 2, have you watched it yet?
Treat them for some ice cream
Ice cream pacifies them. Then back to being non-stop again.
Videoke/Karaoke versions of most songs are now available on YouTube. Play Frozen’s “Let it go.” No child can resist that song! Evah.
Thanks to my children, I now know every word of this song. source: YouTube videos
When was the last time you draw/paint something for your child? Try to be a Picasso this time. Make your child sit still and draw a funny portrait of him. I’m sure both of you will have a good laugh when the portrait is done.
Make a pizza together.
Allow them to invite a friend over for a play date.
Or a slumber party perhaps?
Watch your very own home videos. Watch how your kids react when they see themselves in the tv.
Playing some video/online games with your boys will never be boring. Play with them and show them how cool their mom is.
Me and my boy
I remembered mom taught my kids “tumbang-preso” “luksong-baka” “patintero” some of our country’s favorite street game. So yeah, why not play these games (from back home) with them?
If it’s not your thing, how about a hoola-hoop challenge?
Or take them to the Timezone! Give them a carousel ride or play bowling with them.
Carousel ride. Happiness.
Just sit with your children on a bench outside and relax. Enjoy the fresh air. Play a 10-minute-silence game. See who among your children will talk first.
Turn the lights off, open the tv and play your favorite dance music on You Tube. Dance like crazy!

And most of all, give them some hugs-and-kisses-filled holiday!

Teaching your child how to deal with bullies

Posted on May 6, 2014 by paulanicolas

Today was a bad day for Ethan. A fellow student insulted him and told him that he’s ugly. What I’ve heard from my son this afternoon was worth pondering.

E: I’m sorry I stayed so long in the canteen because a boy from another class made face to me and called me ugly.

M: Did he hurt you?

E: No.

E: Come on mommy, let’s go to the canteen. Talk to him.

M: Don’t bother; it’s just a waste of time. You are not ugly.

I’m sorry baby this is happening to you. You’re seven years old now and this happens any time to anyone. You will meet unpleasant people, but you have to stand and defend yourself. Mommy won’t talk to him because he might think that you are not brave and you’re a mama’s boy. But when you see him and he say those words again, you have to tell the teacher right away.

E: I even showed my monitor badge but he still keeps on doing it to me. Maybe I will tell a prefect (fellow student monitor but from a higher year)

M: or just tell him, that what he said was bad and he can get into trouble if he do it again. And if he won’t stop, you have to tell the teacher.

Suddenly everything was quiet. I saw Ethan’s face, he was thinking hard.

M: Ethan, we are not bad people, the way he said those words to you, we are not like that. But we can stop him by not using bad words. Don’t fight fire with fire. Fight fire with ______?

E: Electricity! Because electricity cannot be defeated by fire!

My little fire fighter. I love your sense of humor. You made our lows go away.

—————————————————————————————————————–

A good motivational campaign slogan from Yumin Primary School

Here’s a good motivational campaign slogan from Ethan’s school

I just hope I get my point across to my eldest son, but when I heard him say fight fire with electricity? It made me contemplate a little more.

What is bullying?

“Bullying is the use of force, threat, or coercion to abuse, intimidate, or aggressively impose domination over others. The behavior is often repeated and habitual. One essential prerequisite is the perception, by the bully or by others, of an imbalance of social or physical power. Behaviors used to assert such domination can include verbal harassment or threat, physical assault or coercion, and such acts may be directed repeatedly towards particular targets. (source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bullying)”

Bullying culture can develop anywhere. Family, school, workplace even in churches, there are bullies too. I don’t want my child to become a bully nor being bullied at. And so I made a guideline which I have learned from the experts on how to deal with bullies.

1. Bullying is about power; don’t make them underestimate you or your child. – My child is correct about fighting fire with electricity. If he just stayed quiet and walked away, the more likely this will happen. He is a boy and he is seven years old now. He should learn how to defend himself. The schoolmate will think that he is superior over my child and this can lead to a habit. (Ethan is scared too, but when he told me that he showed his monitor badge to his schoolmate, I was a little relieved knowing that he’s taking an action to defend himself) But please note: Do not advise your child to get physical with another child. This will worsen the situation.

Here’s an excerpt from http://www.csmonitor.com/Commentary/Opinion/2010/1012/Bullying-The-advice-you-got-is-wrong.-Here-s-what-really-works

which I find very helpful.

““Just be nice” doesn’t work

The advice to “just be nice” needs revisiting. Being kind is important, but what’s crucial is setting boundaries. Doing so, without being mean, helps make a child “bullyproof.”

For example, when a child is the target of a cruel remark, a brief response such as “Why would you say that?” takes the focus off the insult and places it back in the aggressor’s lap, without bullying back. Saying something as simple as “Really?” or “Seriously?” can have the same effect. A bored-sounding “whatever,” a confused “what?,” or humor is often enough to derail an aggressive interaction.”

2. Act as if you’re not affected – If you think that your child can not handle wordwar or psywar, just tell them to walk away with confidence. This will make the bully feel defeated. Tell your child that bullies like them are not worthy of your child’s time. Go someplace else and talk to a friend.

3. Always-always report what happened- The safety of your child is being compromised, and there’s no better way of dealing with the situation than reporting it to the authorities. I told Ethan if the boy won’t stop telling him bad things, report the boy to the teacher for an immediate action.

I am very transparent about my feelings for my children, but for this instance, I have to show them my toughie side. If they see you not dwelling in the situation too much, they will also forget about what happened and they will think that it’s a waste of time. After hearing from them and giving them a piece of advice, don’t ask anymore, give them sometime and they will soon get over it. But tell them that if this happens again, let you know right away.

If you find this article helpful, please feel free to comment, like or share.

The youngest child

Posted on April 17, 2014 by paulanicolas

Sofie was playing with the tablet and Zack wanted to have his turn

Z: Ate (big sister), can I play now?

S: No.

Z: If you won’t let me play, I will delete that file.

His sister handed the tablet to him without saying a word.

The art of psywar.

Effortless.

I know he has a strong personality and he always use his reputation as the youngest to be able to get what he wants. Yet I told him that “if big sister won’t let you play in the tablet, do something else, not delete the file!”

Another conversation happened this morning.

Z: Ate (big sister) will you let me use your pen?

S: No

Z: If you won’t let me, I will throw everything

….

Okay so I told him to do something else, and clearly, he’s going to do something else.

M: Zack!

Z: (he reasons to me using his soft voice with matching waving of his hands around his books) No mommy… I just said I will throw my things…

I remembered the time when he was two years old, he was not afraid to play along with the big boys. He is the smallest in the crowd yet the most enjoyed. The moment I sensed danger when his big friends are getting out of control, I immediately asked him to leave the playground. With his little voice, he let go of these broken words “No! They- are- my-friends.” I am amazed with this kind of bravery and this kind of reasoning at his very young age.

Now that he’s four years old, I guess his audacity grew up with him, too.

My mom-in-law once told me, “You should play it by the ear when you discipline your child.”

To discipline my youngest child has always been a challenge. He often uses his crocodile tears to get away from the trouble he just did. And most of the time, even if I am not in a scolding mood, he always reasons.

So how do you really discipline your youngest child?

I will use Stephen R. Covey’s piece of advice: “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”

Here’s something I found from the Oz blog that explains a lot about my son’s behavior.

“Youngest Child

The youngest are the individuals in the family. They’re more playful, and since they have to fight for attention, they’ve developed a sense of humor as a way of doing that. A lot of actors and famous comedians are the youngest in the family. They tend to take more risks because they’ve been more protected, so they feel indestructible. They have a lot of confidence, and that comes from the “watch what I can do” attitude. They’re creative and can be great problem-solvers. They also have a need to “dethrone” the first-born. Also, they can go out of their way to prove their individuality, since they end up with all the hand-me-downs. They are the charmers. As thrill/pleasure seekers, they can be most at risk for addictive behavior, which can range from compulsive eating and drinking to sex. (editors note: now I am alarmed)

– Article written by Sue Varma, MD
Board certified Psychiatrist and Clinical Assistant Professor of Psychiatry, NYU Langone Medical Center” Source: http://www.doctoroz.com/videos/what-birth-order-can-predict-about-you

Here are some good pointers from parents.com:

“Parenting your Last-Born Child

Lastborns often feel they aren’t taken seriously. Let her make some family decisions — like where to go out for dinner or which video to watch together.
Acknowledge his “firsts.” When he learns to tie his shoes or pees in the potty, call the relatives like you did with the firstborn. And be sure to make a big deal of his artistic accomplishments, displaying his drawings on the fridge, as you did for his older siblings.
Give the youngest child some responsibilities, even something simple like putting napkins on the table. Lastborns can end up with few family duties because they’ve learned to duck out of work or other family members have dubbed them too “little” to be able to handle things.” Source: http://www.parents.com/baby/development/sibling-issues/how-birth-order-shapes-personality/?page=4

Zack’s always happy and non-stop. He is his big sister’s “baby” and his big brother’s “sidekick.” He is our mascot and our daily dose of laughter.

He has always been the life of the party. Someday we’ll just laugh about the little jokes he made when he was younger.

The best is yet to come. And hopefully, when we grow old, his dad and I are still quick enough to ride along with his grown-up humor; or maybe strong enough to handle a mini-heart attack while laughing at his silliest.

We love you Zack.

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