The death of happiness

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It felt like death when I realized I will be going away for 30 years.  I did not say my goodbyes to my children yet; they were all in school and my mind is telling me the next time I will see them is when they have families of their own. I cannot seem to comprehend what was happening to me.  My mind is whirring and I am drowning in an emotional slur. I remembered lying next to my husband on our bed, sleeping peacefully. I woke up, instead of him in my arms; I was holding a tray, already in prison. I panicked. I will not be home for a long time, and my children are still young. They are clueless, I will be gone.  I cannot accept it. The heavy weight has been placed on my chest and I am fighting it. I was sobbing the whole time. I woke up with tears in my eyes.

Back in reality, there I am working in my kitchen again, thinking. I was terrified, yes, and I am so not looking forward to revisit that dream. Happiness was robbed from me and I cannot let that happen in my sane world.

These past few days, I have forgotten what happiness is like, until this morning. My happiness are my CHILDREN and my HUSBAND. They are here with me. Whatever it is that my dream wanted to put in my head had lead me thinking that when you are happy, you hold on to that happiness because anytime, it can be taken away from you.


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