My first love

Lucky are those who have come to know and witness the love of our creator. That’s the most important gift in this world.

We are created to love too, in some ways, we return the love to our God by simply loving our family. Without their love, we are alone, or worst, we are nothing.

During my teenage years, I have been giving my mom countless headaches and heartaches. I thought I’m so grown up. I thought I knew better. Since I’m missing my dad a lot, I kept looking and searching for something that would compensate my feelings, the one that would make me whole again.

I tried attending church activities. I thought that it drew me one step closer to God, but I also felt that it took me a step farther from my mom. Because of my pride, we seldom talk, I never kissed her and never showed respect.

I prayed harder each day. I was still sad and lonely and I felt so lost. That solitude made me miss my dad so bad.

Though I was religious, I have been a bad daughter. The love of God does not reflect on me.
Then I get tired of our situation.
I have come to understand the things I did. I screwed up pretty bad.
I’ve caused her too much pain and I realized that it’s not pleasing to the eyes of my creator.
I can not even show love to the most important person He gave me.
I have to make it up to my mother.

Each passing day, I tried letting her know that I appreciate her, I tried letting her know that I love her. It is a rough road for me, but I tried not to give up…

Years later, four blessings came into my life, I felt God’s love once again.
I am now a mother and I now fully understood what it is like to be in her own shoes.

I remember the scriptures mom wrote on a piece of paper that night when I was younger.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails … 1 Corinthians 13:4–8

Back then, I was easily angered. I was not patient. I always kept record of wrongs. All I ever care about was my pride. I was unfair. I was not an instrument of God’s love.

How can I not love a woman who loved me despite of all the things I’ve done?
How can I not be proud of everything she endured for our family?

PicsArt_1390358775117Thanks mom for understanding me during my darkest days. You are a reminder of God’s love for me. I will always be grateful for everything you taught me. And you will always be in my heart and in my mind until my time is through. You are my first love, my first valentine.

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2 Responses

  1. Toots Nicolas says:

    That is soo sweet, Mommy Pau! The sweetest words a mom can hear from a daughter. I am sure that your mom is now beaming with pride and joy. May God bless you both!

  2. paulanicolas says:

    Thanks so much Mommy Toots. I think only a mother can understand a mother’s heart. Thank you too, for having me as your daughter. I am truly blessed.
    paulanicolas recently posted…My first loveMy Profile

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